Just Another Guy

Last June, I met a guy named Tim at a party. He was tall, attractive and a couple of years younger than me. We talked a bit. He was pleasant and had a good sense of humor. He was a manager at a financial institution. When I was leaving the party, he came to me and asked for my number. He called me the next day and we decided to meet at a bar/restaurant in downtown after work one day.

I met Tim at 6:00 o’clock at the designated place. We sat at the bar. I had a glass of cranberry juice. The conversation was OK. I didn’t feel huge sparks, but he was nice and interesting enough. At 7:30 when I was really hungry, I decided that our initial meeting had been long enough, since we had decided to just meet for drinks. When I wanted to say goodbye, he asked me to go for a walk with him in downtown.

We walked for about 15 minutes and, then he asked me to go to some place else with him. We ended up at a restaurant, again, sitting at the bar. At that point, I was really hungry, since all I had had for lunch was a salad. The waiter brought two menus, one for drinks and one for food. Tim, quickly, put the menu for drinks in front of me. Since I don’t drink, something he knew, and didn’t want to order another cranberry juice, I just ordered a glass of water. After about 10 minutes, Tim said do you want to split an appetizer. After I said yes, he ordered an appetizer. We shared the appetizer, which wasn’t that much and I was still hungry. Of course, I could have ordered something for myself and have paid for it myself, but I wanted to know how cheap this guy was. Also, during our conversation, he told me how he kept all his receipts from his non-business outings and submitted them as work expenses, a practice that I consider stealing and can never be a part of. At 9:00 o’clock, he dropped me off at my car. We said goodbye and, with reservation, I agreed to see him again.

A few days later, we met for lunch at Chilis, and I got to order a meal all by myself. It was a pleasant date. Afterwards, he showed me his antique car that he had driven that day.

Tim called me a couple of days later and wanted to know if I wanted to get together with him Thursday night. I asked what time and where. He said “How about if we go for a walk in the park after work?” I said, “So, are we having dinner together?” He paused for a second and then said, “Sure, I can bring us a couple of Subway sandwiches.” I was taken aback a little. The last time that my date treated me to a Subway sandwich, I was in college. I was thinking that we would probably have dinner at a restaurant and then go for a walk. I said “OK”. Then, he said “Do you want to get us a couple of drinks?” At that point, I was shocked. I thought, you are going to Subway, you can get us a couple of drinks while you are there. Then, I thought he is really cheap. Usually, after I have dated someone a few times, I cook for them and make sure that they are not spending money every time we are together. In the past, when I have gone out with guys who weren’t in great financial situation, I have insisted on paying for myself. But this guy wasn’t poor, and we had only had two cheap dates. I, finally, said “I guess, I can stop at a grocery store on my way to the park and buy a couple of drinks.” I didn't really know what else to say at that point and didn't want to say something without sorting my thoughts. All I knew was that I was totally turned off by him.

The next day I had lunch with Charles, my friend, dating consultant and subject matter expert in the field of “Men”. I told him all about Tim. He said, “Now, you know he is a cheap guy. He is never going to change. You have to decide whether you want to date him or not.”

On Thursday, we had a lot of rain and Tim and I decided to cancel our date, since it wouldn’t have been much fun to go for a walk in the park. I was, actually, relieved. I was thinking about a way to get out of our date. I remember thinking, he is probably the sort of guy that keeps track of every penny he spends and will make sure that I’ll contribute equally. I just don’t like keeping score like that. Tim called me on Friday wanting to go out over the weekend. I told him I was busy all weekend. He said he would call me on Sunday. He called and left a couple of messages on my phone Sunday. Then he started texting me Sunday night wondering when we would get together. I sent him a text Sunday night and told him, I would call him the next day.

Monday night, I decided to make the dreaded phone call. Fortunately, I got Tim’s voice mail. I left a long message saying that he asking me to get the drinks rubbed me the wrong way, since he was already going to Subway. I said I thought he was a little cheap and I wasn’t comfortable with that. I mumbled and said, “At this stage of my life, having a third date where we eat Subway sandwiches, and I bring the drinks is not appealing to me.” I didn’t talk about the underlying feelings that I had. I said Goodbye, wished him luck and hung up. My niece, Ziba, was laughing uncontrollably as I was leaving the message. She said, “You should have just blown him off.” But I had to be clear. I make deliberate decisions, and I wanted him to know why. That’s just me.

Twenty minutes later, I got a text from Tim. It said, “Good luck 2U2. You’re gonna need it.”